No Shame In Tears

Last week I was reading (Time, I think) that crying is the bodies natural reset button.  I have been doing a lot of 'resetting' over the last 6 months: any place, any time, accept home.  My daughter is incredibly empathic and she falls apart if she sees me cry. Without a single word or look her radar picks up on my emotions, "Mom, why are you sad?". I have no way to explain it to a 7 year old.  I am her rock.  I have to be.  So I 'reset' in my car or at work in my office in those spare moments when I am alone. Then I get embarrassed and maybe a little ashamed, trying to fix my makeup before someone walks in.  Quite frankly, I am tired of the tears, but I know I can't stop it.  So here is my plan: get some waterproof mascara and say "bring it on".  I have no shame in my tears and I will explain to my daughter that I cry because I love.

The diagnosis came in October and it was rough, but it is not like we didn't know something was wrong.  Partly I was relieved to finally know what the real deal was - and that there was a physical reason behind everything that was going on. We attended our first symposium on October 30, and it was like going down a checklist of all the issues we were having. Here was the answer, and here also was the beginning of more questions, I dove right in and read every book I could find in the library, and scoured the internet for information.  I read the factual, scientific reports, and I read the first hand accounts of other families dealing with Fragile X. I couldn't stop the emotions: worry, fear, anger, jealousy,etc. I still feel overwhelmed some days and I am still working on acceptance. Like the tide, it ebbs and flows with good days and bad, but I am her rock, and I will not erode.