Ripples

“I believe that the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness. That is clear. Whether one believes in religion or not, whether one believes in this religion or that religion, we all are seeking something better in life. So, I think, the very motion of our life is towards happiness…” Dalai Lama

".. the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness.".  With all due respect, Mr. Dalai Lama, but I have to disagree with you.  If everyone on the planet acted in a way that constituted their own happiness, what an incredibly selfish world this would be (maybe that is the problem?). We may all be individuals, but we are not individual.  We live in a symbiotic society, and our actions and non-actions have ripples that reach out effecting others in both good and bad ways.  Consider a leaf floating on a river.  It has little control over where it goes except by what it encounters. Ripples can send it down one direction or another. Some have very little consequence yet others might be the difference between the waterfall or the reflecting pool. 

My FX daughter creates ripples just by being. Everyone she encounters is better off for knowing her (eventually).  Classmates are more tolerate and more aware of diversity, and perhaps less nervous around others who may be a little different. They will always remember her.  I know I still remember the special kids that went to my grade school.
  
Teachers have had to learn about fragile x and the teaching strategies that are best for her. They have gained patience and understanding (being hopeful here) and are becoming better at their jobs. 

Even the general public are not immune. I can not leave my house without meeting at least one person who knows my daughter. She will greet anyone, especially adults.  It is quite entertaining to watch as she goes to check out at a store " Hi!  How ya doin? Having a good day?"  After a moment or so to digest this 7 year old starting up a conversation (and doing her own transaction) they all respond with big smiles and a hearty "Hello, how are you?". Ripples in action. Most FX girls are rather shy, but her impulsiveness, or lack of inhibitions has trumped all that.

Finally, I come to me. I certainly have become a better parent and person.  I am a better communicator, fiercer advocate, more thorough planner, healthier cook, and better at asking for help (this list goes on).  I have also learned patience and tolerance and I have learned to place a much better value on life beyond my immediate family.  Part of the value I have learned is my effect on others, thus my ripple theory.  Where my daughter does this effortlessly, I have to wake up every morning and decide that I am going to create positive ripples today.  Some days it is hard, and on those days I pray to leave no ill effects. My family (husband especially) and close friends probably don't see the good ripples.  I use them selfishly to bolster me up so I can make my positive ripples on the world at large.  I want to improve the lives around me and as a teacher and an architect I get many opportunities.  I have to be aware that words I speak or write can be very powerful.  Even a simple smile, or withholding one, can have ripples. This blog is an example, and I hope the ripples are helpful. 

Mostly I want to have positive ripples for my daughter.  Despite her learning difficulties, she can be very intuitive and I hope she is picking up on the positive more than the negative.  May her leaf go toward the calm reflecting pool, and not the turgid waterfall.